Missing Her

I'm really missing my mom today. I miss her all the time but some days are worse than others. This is one of those days. The more excited I get about the baby coming and the more work I do to prepare the more I miss her. I just really wish she was here to be a part of it. She would be an amazing grandma and she would be so so excited.

It was just about a year ago when I took off work to stay home with her the last few months of her life. I remember her asking me why I was doing that and I explained to her that I didn't want to miss out on any time with her. We talked a lot those last few months and several conversations were about my fears of having to live without her here. My biggest fear was having children without her. She kept telling me it would be okay that I would be a great mom. I think she is right. I know I'm going to be okay and I know I'm gonna be a good mom. You can't have a mom like the one I have and not be good. I learned from one of the best.

Even though I know it's going to be okay it doesn't lessen my longing for her. Some times it's pure desperation. I would so love to see her hold my baby. I know if she was alive she would go with me to Louisiana when the baby is born and help me. She would be such an excited freak about it all. I just feel like we all got robbed of what should have been. Eventually I'm going to have to get over that but she was just so young and we had so many hopes for the future.... I just wish we could have had more time....

Jessie