Remember When

Lately I have been remembering a lot of things from when I was a kid.. Things I hadn't thought of in a long time. So here's a little blast from my past.

1. I remember when my dad went to a work conference when I was about 8 or 9 and he called home to visit with us. He told us that the hotel he was staying at didn't have real room keys but had these cards that you slide in the door to open it. I remember being so baffled by that! How could a door not have a real key....

2. I remember when VCR's first came out and you could rent movies in VHS or BETA. VCR's were so expensive and I remember thinking my parents must be rich when we finally got one.

3. Old mobile phones as they called them that were huge! Some were actually those crazy big bag phones. Now I have a phone that is smaller than a wallet.

I don't know what has made me think about some of this stuff. My mind is weird and wondering I suppose...

Jessie

Corny Premonition

I put up 10 pints of corn this afternoon. It seemed like a lot of corn when I was cutting it off the the cob but didn't end up being that much. I am gonna go back to the farmer's market Wednesday and see if I can get another couple bushels. 10 pints won't last long enough.

After I put up the corn I decided I was going to spend the evening chilling out so I watched the movie Premonition. I really wanted to see it because the previews looked so good. I don't know what I thought it would be like but I was kinda disappointed. It wasn't as good as I thought it would be. It wasn't horrible by any means but it's not something I would want to watch again.

The afternoon with my aunts was great. My Aunt Betty made her famous enchilladas and they were delicious in my belly! We just visited and ate and got caught up. It's always nice to see them.

I am heading back to work in the morning. I'm ready to see everyone. I'm thinking I'll probably be worn out by noon since I've been away from the office for so long but at least I'll be doing something productive again. I'm sure I have a ton of work to get caught up on.

Night!

Jessie

Pretty Flowers

Yesterday I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers from my aunts. They are just gorgeous! I put them in my kitchen and it was so nice to see them when I got up this morning. They are just wonderful!

My Aunt Adair and Aunt Betty are coming today to take me to lunch. It will be nice to see them. I saw Adair when I was getting my hair done the other day but it's been a long time since I've seen Betty. I was in Mexico for the fourth of July so I missed the big family get together.

Yesterday I hit the jackpot at the Farmers Market. I got a bunch of corn so this afternoon I'm going to cream it and freeze it. I might have to hold out an ear for me for dinner tonight though because it looks really good! I love fresh corn.

Hope you all are having a good weekend!

Jessie

P.S. I even went to church last night and didn't cry! That's the first time I've made it through church without crying in a long time.

Shopping

I'm dreading going shopping because it never fails that I will run into a hundred people I know. And I don't want to go through the whole adoption drama story over and over again. But the new semester starts in a few weeks and I really need a new backpack. So I decided to go online and see what I could find. And because I'm thrifty I'm going to use some online shopping coupons. I lucked out and found a great backpack from ebags and was also able to use a coupon so good deals for me!

Jessie

This post is sponsored by www.couponchief.com

My People

When the whole adoption thing went south and I was hysterically crying to Darby and Heather I kept saying I wanted to come home. I wanted my house and my people. Now that I'm here I'm reminded of how wonderful both of those things are. My people are the most amazing people! I'm so blessed with such wonderful friends and family and coworkers. I've had over 100 emails sending me love and hope and humor. My people know me and they know how to love me better. They also offer to break kneecaps when needed and they know how to mix stiff drinks. My people rock!

Just a little bit ago one of the guys I work with stopped by. He totally surprised me. He didn't stay long but just wanted to bring me a card and a hug. It was so kind. The neighbor kids and their card, Darby and her constant love, what would I do without my people! I'm just blessed!!!!

Latin Heat

Today when I went to get my fun new rental car there was the cutest latin guy that helped me. Very cute, very nice, very flirty. I was digging him. Unfortunately he was also very married. Aren't they always.... So anyways while I was wondering about him this afternoon I came across this website for latin singles . So there are some single cuties still out there. I found a couple on the site. Some of the profiles look good and there are quite a few from Kansas. That always shocks me. So if you are interested in some latina dating you might have some luck. If anything you'll enjoy the pictures...

Resilient

The dictionary defines resilient in the following way. a : capable of withstanding shock without permanent deformation or rupture b : tending to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change.

I love that definition. It describes my sister Heather and I well. We tend to be people that recover from misfortune well and we do tend to withstand shock with no major ruptures. That's just us. And as much as I wish difficult things would stop happening to us I'm thrilled that we are resilient people.

My aunt Adair called me this morning and asked how I was. I said good and she said how can you be good. I reminded her that there are lots of reasons for me to be good. Here are just a few.

1. I have really awesome cute hair! Heather and I stopped at my cousins shop on the way home yesterday to get our hair done. I love it! She did an awesome job and she didn't even yank my eyebrows out like last time. Our motto is "just because you feel like crap doesn't mean you have to look like crap." Big thanks to Sara for helping us look good and feel good!

2. I was able to go grocery shopping today! This is a huge deal. In the last 30 days I've spent 24 of them on the road eating crap. To go to the store and buy healthy food is a blessing!

3. My zinnias are blooming. This made my day. I planted them forever ago and they had gotten very tall but hadn't bloomed yet. When we pulled in the drive yesterday they were blooming.

4. I could feel my mom today. I walked out in the back yard to check the pool today and add chemicals and there was a random sunflower blooming in the backyard. I didn't plant it but it just showed up. Sunflowers are her favorite flower. I just felt like she was saying hi.

5. The farmer's market is tomorrow and I'm going with my wonderful Goddaughter Isabel. Fresh veggies and Isabel always make me happy.

6. Heather isn't able to rent a car because she isn't old enough so she had to take my car and I got the rental that Heather is paying for. I'm driving a red Mazda 3 that is sexy, speedy, and super fun. That has to make a girl happy!

7. My neighbor kids made me an awesome card. It says, "Jessie you are the best neighbor and you will be a bester mom. We missed you and love you and we are praying you find a baby." So I will be a bester mom and they love me. That makes me feel good!

8. God let me wake up this morning!

So I guess what I'm saying is there is always something to be happy about. Being resilient is an awesome thing!!!

Jessie

Home Sweet Home

We are finally home. I've never been so happy to walk into my house! I swear I walked in the door and my stress level dropped considerably. I just feel safe here. The drive home with no baby was a bit of torture but now that I'm here it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I feel lonely and angry and sad and frustrated but also hopeful. This is a very rough bump in the road but it's not the end of the road. Being a mom is not something I want it is something that I'm destined for. I will be a mom. This week wasn't my time but nothing will stop me. I will have a baby and this is just a painful delay.

One thing I know for certain is that God does not make mistakes. There is some reason that Roman did not come home with me. It just wasn't our time. I don't know what other baby is out there but there is one and it's waiting for me. God will send the right baby my way. While Roman is a wonderful, beautiful, splendid little boy he is not my little boy. So I will wait, my heart will heal and I will be a better mother because of this in the future.

I'm off to enjoy a good nights sleep in my own bed!

Not My Son

Well I feel foolish for posting pictures so soon. After I returned to the hospital after dinner it was quickly brought to my attention that Miss N has now decided that she wants her sister to keep Roman. So after much discussion with the social workers and attorneys I'm back at the hotel with no baby. Heather and I are going home alone tomorrow.

Jessie

My Son Roman

This is my son Roman and I! Roman Keith arrived at 11:07 this morning and weighed 11 pounds 7 ounces. He is healthy and Miss N is healthy and I'm thrilled!

Crash

Louisiana is not the state for Heather and I to be in. Bad things tend to happen here. Yesterday was a great travel day. Heather and I had to drive seperately this time because she has to go back to Kansas before I will be able to leave. So she left early yesterday and went halfway to Little Rock and stayed with a friend. I drove to Nachitoches and stayed in a lovely hotel.

Seriously it was the most comfortable hotel bed I've ever slept in. It was really relaxing. It was a great way to spend my last night alone for awhile. When I woke up this morning I was feeling good. I only had two hours left to drive and I was well rested and excited about the day.

When I got about 15 minutes from my destination Heather called me hysterical. She had gotten in a wreck in some little town 25 miles from Shreveport. So I turned around to go retrieve her. Keep in mind that is about 175 miles from where I was at the time. Heather is fine. She has a spot on her arm where the airbag burnt her but other than that and being scared and sore she is okay. THANK GOD!!!! My biggest fear is something happening to her.

The car however is very much totaled. It wasn't pretty. Parts that should be inside the car were on the road and other parts were broken and lots of liquids were on the road. So not good. The car that is 3 months old is gone now. Time to car shop again...

So the nice leisurely two hour drive turned into an 8 hour drive and produced much crying and stress. Not pretty the day before you become a mom. My stress level is pretty much through the roof right now. And since I'm a fat kid I decided that somehow ice cream would make the stress better. So we drove through McDonald's for ice cream and their ice cream machine was broken. So then we went to Burger King and their ice cream machine was broken. And then I was really pissed.

I'm hoping this is just all the bad disappearing before all of the good arrives tomorrow. Tomorrow will be an amazing day. Tomorrow I will meet my son for the first time. Tomorrow I will take my first new family picture. Tomorrow I will hold him and love him. Tomorrow I will be a mom. Tomorrow has to be the best day ever right!

Jessie

800

This is my 800th post. Hard to believe I've made that many posts. Doesn't seem like I've been blogging that long. But I guess so...

Heather and I are getting all packed up again for hopefully our last trip to Louisiana for awhile. We are ready to head out tomorrow morning sometime. We are going halfway and then we are going to finish up on Monday. I'm hoping that breaking things up will make it less exhausting.

Tuesday morning at 5:30 is when Miss N will be induced. I'm so excited, nervous, scared, relieved, happy, and down right terrified. This has been such an overwhelming experience. It's hard to believe we are reaching the big day! I just wanna hold my baby boy. Not long till that happens now.

Hope you all have a great rest of your weekend! I'm off to finish packing.

Jessie

Allergies

Heather and I are home from Louisiana. No baby yet. The contractions have stopped completely so the doctor wants to wait until the 24th to induce so we came on home and will go back later. Now that I'm home my allergies have kicked in full force. I felt horrible today even with all kinds of medicine. I slept so much and I'm still feeling yucky. I don't know if it's all the changes in weather and the travel and everything combined or what. But no fun! I do have big house cleaning plans for tomorrow. So I better get well overnight. I need to clean my carpets and do some other things. I just want the house to be in tip top shape before the baby comes home. I have a feeling after I get home with him it will be awhile before I get things straightened up again.

Jessie

Morning Dawns

At 5:30 this morning Heather woke me up to tell me her neck was straight and there was minimal pain. I never thought I'd be happy about being woke up at 5:30 but I was thrilled! There is now a good day ahead of us. She is still stiff and has some pain but nothing like yesterday. We are off to enjoy a day of fun. There is a huge outlet mall and movie theater close by so we are going to have fun.

Later!
Jessie

Pain in the .....

Nothing is ever easy. I repeat NOTHING IS EVER EASY!!!! This morning Heather and I were awakened by the fire alarm going off. It would blare once then stop then awhile later blare once again. This went on for about 45 minutes. I thought maybe it was a rude Louisiana wake up call. But no after some investigation the maintence people were working on the fire alarm system as well as the phone lines. Nice that they do that at the butt crack of dawn. Good old Louisiana...

So after that brutal wake up we decided to shower and get ready for the day. We had big plans for sightseeing, shopping, etc. We had decided that we were going to make this a mini vacation before the baby arrives. Well nothing is ever easy... Heather took her shower and in the process screwed up her neck and back. She was screaming in pain and her neck pretty much looked attached to her shoulder. All of her muscles were tight and she could not lift her head back up off her shoulder... Not a good start to the vacation...

So I called every chiropractor in the phone book and found one 30 miles away that would see her on a Saturday. I took her and it seemed to help for about 10 minutes. I brought her back to the hotel and fed her and iced her and watered her and talked nice to her and put her back to bed for a nap thinking that a miracle would happen while she slept... Not so much! When she woke up she was in more pain than before. So after trying several things I decided to admit defeat and take the girl to the ER.

They gave her some muscle relaxers, pain killers, and a shot for the poison ivy this girl has been fighting for 2 weeks. Now she is higher than a kite and feeling NO pain. I on the other hand have a horrible headache and my stomach is like fire. I think it is stress. This isn't quite the happy, loving, butterflies and beautiful story I was hoping to put in my child's baby book but at least there is a story right....

Jessie

Home Sweet Hotel

Heather and I drove all night and most of the day! We arrived in Louisiana at 4:30 this afternoon!!! What a long trip. Lots of rain, construction, and a few wrong turns. I think we each got about 3 1/2-4 hours of sleep in between taking turns driving. But we are here and our hotel is a little bit of heaven after such a long journey.

We just got cleaned up and we are going to meet Miss N for dinner. Of course her contractions have stopped and we are just chilling here now but we are here and now we for sure won't miss the delivery so that is fine with us. If she doesn't have the baby by Monday I'm pretty sure the doctor will go ahead and just admit her and induce. But I wouldn't be to shocked if things picked up again later and he decided to make an appearance over the weekend.

Off to dinner we go

Jessie

Time To Go

Heather and I are getting ready to walk out the door to head to Louisiana. I think it's baby time! We have a 13 hour drive ahead of us so it will be a long night... Hopefully the next time I post I'll be a mommy!!!!

Jessie

Cougar Poop

My neighbors have a ton of pets! Seriously they probably have close to 20 cats and about 5 dogs. All of the animals run loose around the neighborhood. Well not so much the neighborhood because I'm finding that their favorite place to be is my yard. It's really starting to tick me off. All the cat poop, dog poop, and just the annoyance of it is about to push me over the edge. Tonight I went outside and there was the biggest pile of crap in my flower bed that I have ever seen. Heather and I decided that there is no way it was a cat or dog they must have gotten a cougar for poop that big!

So since I'm right on the edge I scooped the cougar poop up with a shovel and took it over and deposited it in their yard. I think I'm going to keep doing that. If they don't get the hint that way then next week I'm getting a BB gun and I'm shooting their cats everytime they come in the yard. I'm done playing nice. If you are gonna have a herd of animals you need to take care of them. My Lena stays in the yard. In fact I got the yard fenced just to keep her from going in other people's yards. If I can do it they can do it.

I like animals but enough is enough.

Jessie

Manic Monday

Today I had to return to the real world. I had work and class today and I thought I was ready... But by 3:00 I was dragging. I was so worn out! All the napping and beach time caught up to me I guess. The worst part about vacation is when it's over right.

Miss N went back to the doctor today and it looks like the baby could be arriving anytime. She is 3 cm dilated and is having back pains and some contractions. The doctor thought she would have him within the week. So with that in mind today was even more of a whirlwind. I'm trying to get everything in order here at home so Heather and I can just throw stuff in the car and get on the road as soon as she calls.

It's 12 hours from here to where she will be having the baby in Louisiana so that means we could very possibly miss the delivery. I hate to think of that. I really want to be there. I don't want her to be alone. So I'm hoping that we can get there in time. I just keep reminding myself that God has done such a good job fitting this all together so far that it will work out the way he plans... I just have to come along for the ride.

I'm going to try to go to bed. I don't say sleep anymore because I don't do much of that. My mind is running a million miles a minute now and I tend to lay there thinking...

Till tomorrow

Jessie

Home Sweet Home

Darby and I are back in good old Kansas! Mexico was fun but when we went through customs yesterday and the officer said Welcome Home I thought I was going to cry! I was ready to come home....

Here are some things I love about Mexico!

1. The beach

2. The hot guys that say Hola in a way that melts my heart!

3. The air conditioning.

4. The people that try to sell you stuff when you are laying on the beach.

5. The sunsets.

Here are some things I don't love about Mexico!

1. The seaweed smell.

2. Hot drinks.

3. The food... it wasn't very good Mexican food for being Mexico... They put fish in everything!

4. The people can be rude and the kids are really unruly.

5. It's hotter than Africa.

Now that I'm home I'm doing laundry and getting ready to go into the office to try and get caught up on all the work I missed. I'm hoping that since it's Sunday and no one else will be there I can get quite a bit done. That would be a great thing! I will try to get some pictures loaded later today or tomorrow... I took quite a few.

Jessie

Happy 4th of July

I hope all of you are having a great 4th of July. Darby and I are still loving Mexico. We are getting ready to go get massages and facials! How fun is that!!! Then tonight there is a big band and fireworks show we are going too. Should be fun!

When we were on our layover in Dallas we had the opportunity to see a large number of our troops coming home. There were people waving flags and clapping and of course Darby and I waved to them and clapped and cried! It is really amazing and we are so grateful for the sacrifices they make for us!

Don´t know much else right now. We might have more to tell you later.... Enjoy the bbq´s and fireworks!!!!

Jessie

Mexico Rocks

Okay we have made it to Mexico. I´m not gonna use capital letters anymore because the capital button on this dang computer is in the wrong spot for me so you will have to deal with my poor punctuation... it happens!

the flights were great. darby got searched a lot and i didn´t. i was able to get on the planes with some lighters and darby can´t bring lipgloss. how funny is that? i did have to sit next to a stinky lady on the plane that had a wandering eye so i guess that was my punishment for making fun of darby...

the hotel is amazing. we get everything we want when we want it... well except for internet. that part sucks... but we get lots of coca cola lights. how fun is that. it´s hotter than africa but no sunburns yet.... the food is a little weird but the room service pizza rocks.

we did get to watch bethany and craigs wedding from our balcony. they are such a pretty happy couple. we think they are having a great honeymoon here now. it was nice of them to invite us to the wedding... oh wait they didn´t. we just watched and took pictures. that was a good time.

i swam in the ocean and was attacked by a seaweed but darby saved me. i also peed in the water which darby says is okay because the waves take it away. i don´t know that i believe that but darby doesn´t lie so i guess i should. no pooping allowed though!!!!!

the phone card things we bought don´t work so well... time is running out on the internet and i´m typing as fast as i can... i like pesos... you get more pesos than dollars and that makes me happy inside. there is a lady named maria at the airport here that you should avoid. she talks a lot and it´s hot there and it makes me mad. i shouldn´t be mad on vaction so we don´t like maria. but there is a beautiful man named leonardo here that loves me. well he is actually a kid... maybe 18 or 19 and he is nice to me. but it´s my dream vacation so he loves me... he carries our bags and gives us directions and cold towels and we give him pesos... okay so we have pùrchased a friend.

over and out... 1 minute left on the computer....

adios friends

jessie

Mexico

I'm heading to Mexico until next Saturday! I'm so excited to actually get to enjoy a vacation! Darby is way excited too. She has been packed for two days now. I think she is ready to go. I don't know if I will get a chance to post while I'm gone so if not I hope you all have a wonderful week!!!

Jessie