Saturday, September 08, 2007

Rough Waters

Things have been a little rough around here the past couple days. I've really been missing my mom and have been a little down. It seems to go in spurts. I miss her all the time but sometimes I'm just way more emotional about it. I've noticed that if things are going along fairly well with the rest of my life my grief remains manageable. But if anything else gets out of whack then it makes missing her even worse and I have a hard time getting by.

I think the new job, the start of the new semester, and frustration on the adoption front have worn me down. So I'm tired and frustrated and just want my mom to fix it. But she can't. So I'm just trying to push on...

Today I went out to her place at the cemetary for a long time. It makes me feel better to be there. I had a ton of homework to do so I hauled a blanket, packed my lunch and my book bag and headed out to her place. It was actually the most relaxed I've been all week. Her place is way out in the country and it's beautiful and quiet there. So I laid on my blanket and worked on homework for a few hours. I left there feeling much better.

But now tonight I'm missing her again. I put on an old video of her telling jokes thinking that would make me feel better. I thought if I heard her voice it would help me calm down but not so much. Grief is hard work! I'm starting to get tired of it...

Jessie

3 comments:

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

I can so relate. It gets better with time, but you will still feel this on and off for the rest of your life. It's been 15 years for me. Big hug. :)

Natalie said...

I'm sorry. I don't know your history or anything, but I am sorry. My mom lost her dad when she was 28, my whole life she has had moments of grief over it. I think it's normal to miss those we love when they're gone and to have times that are harder than others.

bokjae said...

Yes hunna, go ahead and grief, until this is sort of over or resolved! I can empathize with you but let God comfort your heart! Blessings!