Saturday, September 16, 2006


Well obviously yesterday was a very bad day. Well really last night was difficult not really the whole day. But I cried myself to sleep and prayed like crazy. I prayed that God would send my mom to me somehow. That he would let me dream of her. Something... Well I woke up this morning and my first thought was no dream and I instantly started crying again. Shitty way to start the day.

I didn't want to do it but I promised Darby I'd go shopping with her today. So even though I was pretty down I did it. We went to Target and it was swamped. Craziness everywhere! Kids screaming, carts colliding, just people everywhere. So I was starting to feel a little overwhelmed and told Darby I was going to a different section that wasn't so crowded. So I wandered down this aisle.

As soon as I turned down the aisle it was oddly silent. I felt cold suddenly and a complete sense of calm. It was the strangest most comforting feeling I've ever had. And it felt just like my mom was standing beside me. So I turned around in the aisle and felt pulled to this bedding. It was baby bedding and it was a beautiful green, white and brown. It had elephants on it. My mom collected elephants!!!

I never in a million years would have thought about decorating a nursery in elephants. Heck I'm not even pregnant or planning on a baby anytime soon. But I felt like she was telling me to buy it. It felt like we were having a conversation without words. I actually said out loud "I'm supposed to buy it huh?" The answer was for sure yes.

So I went and got Darby and told her about the feeling and the moment and showed her the bedding. She agreed that we couldn't leave without it. That it was the sign I had prayed for. My mom came in elephant baby bedding and I bought the whole set and brought her home! Bedding, curtains, blankets, and toys. The whole set!

Before my mom died I told her how sad I was that she wouldn't see my babies. That she wouldn't be here to help me plan and she wouldn't be here to guide me. She told me that she would see them first and send a pretty one my way! So I guess she decided today that I better have bedding for when she sends the pretty one.

I know it sounds crazy and if anyone else would have told me such a story I would have laughed at them. But I'm not crazy. My mom was with me and she came and helped me. I'm not alone. I have a feeling that anytime I'm really missing her the signs will come. I'll keep waiting. It's worth it!


Here is a pic of the bedding


Julie said...

That's really lovely. I'm glad you bought the bedding. I just got a little misty-eyed, Jessie.

Phelan said...

I like the bedding. I know how you feel, I did the same thing after my son died. Now, once and a while, there is a smell that I had spent a month surrounded by while my son was in the hospital, it will sudden pop up now and then.

Secret Sara said...

Your mom is always going to be with you honey. Talk to her whenever you want. She's listening and loving you still. ~~Sara

Peg said...

I'm welled up with tears...she was there with you.

When the time comes, be it months or years, and you lay your precious little child down on that bedding for the first time, you'll feel comfort in knowing that your child will be in your mom's arms. She will watch over your sweet baby while she sleeps.