Today rocks! I got up and went and got my hair done this morning. The lady that did it was hilarious! I really had a lot of fun. I don't think I've ever had that much fun getting a hair cut. Went to the library after I left there. Now I'm eating a little lunch before I go get my massage. I'm so psyched. Birthdays should happen more than once a year!!!
Jessie
Today was my birthday party day. Tomorrow is my actual birthday but all my parties were today. At work we all went to lunch at Wings and then we had a cupcake cake that looked like flowers in a pot. It was so cute. I work with the coolest people ever!
Tonight we had my birthday party at my mom's house. It was awesome. Aunt Donna cooked my favorite meal Hawaiian Chicken and we had ice cream cake. I got some cool gifts. Heather got me these cute black cube shelves for my computer room. My mom rocks! I got some candles, a fan that is way cute and retro looking, a couple of neat books, an awesome Americana basket, cookie sheets, funky bright pot holders, and XM satellite Radio for my car!!! How awesome is that! I so wanted XM. That way I can get NPR and that will make me a very happy girl.
I love my mom!!! She was really feeling good tonight and we just had a good time. I'm gonna post some pictures. Fun times!!!
Jessie
No baby yet... That kid is stubborn. Bel and I are very ready for him to get here!!! I was really hoping to get a day off work but no. Maybe tommorow he will show up and I'll get to stay home to visit him and take care of Bel.
Bel is here at my place because her mom is in labor. We are hoping that Mr. Jorgen will arrive soon. Bel is very ready for a brother and I'm anxious to hold a little baby! Maybe when we wake up in the morning we will be able to go see him...
Jessie
I found this cool site that lets you do awesome things with your pictures. Since I didn't have any new ones to play around with I used some old ones. So you may have seen these already but I don't care. I just wanted to see what all I could do... So here are some pics from February, right before my mom started chemo, and also from Mother's Day in May... Good Times...
I'm on call this week and the hot pager sucks tonight! It started going off at 6:30 and I'm still working on the SAME thing 5 hours later!!!! I'm started to get tired and cranky about the whole deal. But I'm on the clock! If I'm up much later though I'm not going into the office until late. I didn't sleep very well last night because there was a storm and between the thunder and Lena freaking out there was little sleep. So two nights in a row of little sleep is not good.
Crap the thing is beeping again. I better go....
Jessie
Well our new office is way different. It is really nice. It's clean and pretty. So that should make me happy. But there are no smiles there. There isn't as much joking around as before. There are more people so it's not like the close family type atmosphere. And it's just kinda weird. I can't see Donna and Darby from my office anymore. They are way far away from me and I don't like that. I can't even hear them most of the time. Just really odd!
My mom decided not to go back for chemo. She is going to a natureopathic doctor now. I'm excited for her since she is so excited. She is ready for an easier softer way. Hopefully this will provide her with that.
I'm tired! I kept waking up last night. I just couldn't sleep. That sucks. Watch though as soon as I go lay down I'll be awake again. No fun!!!
Jessie
Well it's Father's Day. My Dad is in New Orleans so I didn't get to see him. But I talked to him on the phone. He doesn't read my website but Cricket does so hopefully she will make him read this post... These are the Top Ten Reasons I think my Dad is pretty cool...
1. He loves me.
2. He doesn't judge me even though I make choices that are so different from what he would choose.
3. He is a "crafty bastard". Yes he will know what that means and I don't care if anyone else does.
4. He sends money when I need it and he doesn't even give me the be responsible lecture anymore.
5. He would drop everything and come home if I asked at anytime! He has done it before and I know he will do it again.
6. He treats my mom nice even though they aren't together. That means the world to me!!! When I was a kid he had this plaque that said the best thing a dad can do for his children is love their mother. That is very true. Just being kind and respectful is worth so very much!!!
7. He can fix EVERYTHING!!! He can be in my house like 20 minutes and fix 10 things. That is so cool.
8. He has made sure that I have seen the Monets twice in my life! Who can say their dad has done that. He made sure he raised us kids in a way that we could be comfortable and acceptable in a museum or a McDonald's and that is something not enough parents pull off.
9. He is pretty damn funny!
10. He always takes us kids cool places. He has made sure we have traveled and I love that. Whether it is Vegas, Texas or a ghetto in Boston we have been there and had a great time!
That's what I know. I love you Dad and I hope that today was great for you!!!!
Jessie
It's been a good day. Slept in a bit this morning. That was nice! Went to Bel's b-day party for a little bit this afternoon. She is going to be 4 on Thursday. That seems so very wrong to me! She looked adorable today. I forgot my camera!!! How in the world did I do such a thing??? She is turning into a little girl instead of a toddler. It's pretty amazing to watch.
Hung out with Mom, Betty, Donna and Heather for awhile this afternoon. Mom looked good today. Last night was pretty tough for her I guess but today she was doing good. I'm always amazed by her!
Tonight Heather and I went to Topeka for dinner with my G-pa and G-ma Wagoner, Tom & Phyllis, Steve & Jane, Bryan & Meg, Rob & Angela and baby Alex. It was a good time. My grandparents anniversary and my Grandpa's b-day are next week and with Father's day tomorrow we decided to have a little celebration. Very good to see everyone. Alex is getting big. He is pretty fun to be around. A happy guy. And he is chubby which I just love! Babies are just pretty cute.
Heather and I of course drove home in a storm. I don't know what it is about us driving in the rain. Everywhere we go! It's crazy. But Heather is a brave driver and once again she pulled through. Hydroplaning and Hail can't stop Heather! She can drive through anything. We had a good time together. We needed a little girl time to just hang out and talk. She is pretty fun.
Lena is a big girl now. Heather and I were watching a movie after we got home and Lena jumped up on my lap while I was in a chair. She can't usually jump on the couch or chair! She has grown. I just love that! I won't love it next week I'm sure but I was so proud of her. It was like taking her first step or something. Very cool!
Jessie
Moving sucks! Our bosses made it sound like all we had to do was pack stuff and the movers would move it all and then we would unpack. That was a lie. It was pretty much a mess! Poor Darby and Donna ended up doing all kinds of crazy stuff they shouldn't have had to do. My guess is Donna won't be able to walk all weekend. Ridiculous. And we couldn't really do much work today. I wasn't even able to get on a computer to check my email until 4:45 today which pretty much sucks. But other than that it was a great day. I think it's pretty funny that today they sent us employee satisfaction surveys. Not the best day to do that!!!
We made bracelets tonight after I got off work. We got quite a few done. I guess we are going to have a booth at Olpe Down Home Days to sell them. So our goal now is to have 100 for there. Good times.
A storm is building outside so I probably ought to get off of here and take Lena out before it starts raining. She won't pee once it starts in. She is weird like that. But I can't really blame her. I wouldn't be to excited about going out and peeing in the rain either. In fact it would really make me uncomfortable. But dogs don't really have much shame. The fact that she can crap with cars driving by is so weird to me. You would think having a crowd would make her nervous but nope...
Over and Out!
Jessie
Well today I had everyone from work over for lunch and staffing. Since we were without an office we made my house our makeshift location for the day. It was kinda cool. I got caught up on my logs and made enough calls on my work cell that I ran the battery out. I could handle the working from home thing. I really dig making calls while I'm laying on my bed. I'm so much more relaxed and comfortable and not angry. I think we should get one day a week like that! I might not hate my job then.
Since I had all these people coming over I decided I better take my Christmas cards down. When I got my Christmas cards in the mail from people I put them around the big door way that goes from my living room to my dining room. That way I could see them all. Well I never took them down. When anyone asked me I just said that I liked them.
The truth is that the Christmas cards were the last thing I associated with my old life. I got all those cards from people that I love before the "cancer" showed up and before Monte asked for a divorce. It's like it was the last sign of what used to be. I didn't want to let them go. Everytime I looked at them it reminded me of a happy time. So I didn't want to let them go....
But I decided it was time. So I took each of them down and looked them over and put them away. I cried a little bit even. I know it is silly but they really meant something so much more to me than the senders would have ever realized. Who would think cards could represent so much... Oh how things have changed since December...
Jessie
Well we went and took a tour of our new office today. They are moving us on Thursday. The building is much nicer than the one we are in now. Cleaner, better condition, better location. The building has two floors. The whole thing is ours but right now people are still in the upstairs. They won't be out till the end of August I guess. So they are putting us all in the basement. Not just the people in my office but also our business office people too. We have three offices in town now and they are combining us in the basement. Which means it is way small.
They have one room for like 8 of us. I don't know how it will ever work. They don't even have dividers in the room so when we are on the phones or even just talking it is gonna be crazy loud not to mention we are gonna be like sardines. I think eventually when we get upstairs it will be nice but right now it's gonna SUCK! I'm really not looking forward to it.
Well I better get off of here and finish some things up. Have a great night!
Jessie
Miss Lena is just cracking me up tonight. She is so funny sometimes! What great entertainment. I got home from mom's and was trying to work out and I guess she didn't like it too much. She kept barking and howling at me and the TV screen. I'm thinking she doesn't like my workout video...
After I got done with that I took her outside to play in the backyard. I can't leave her alone out back because even though it is fenced there are some gaps in the fence she can fit through. So I have to watch her and she was ready to play tonight. We played fetch for quite awhile and then chased one another and then practiced sitting. But she was too excited for sitting so we just played some more. Before I knew it 40 minutes had passed and she was another workout in a cute little package. I just love that.
But she really killed me when I took her out front a minute ago. I was talking to the neighbor and heard a rustling sound and turned and looked. There was little bitty Lena dragging a huge tree branch through the yard. She loves sticks but this was no stick! It was HUGE and had leaves on it and it was so much bigger than her. She was a girl on a mission and didn't want to give it up. She wasn't happy when I made her leave it outside.
She is such a joy. Who knew what a wonderful little buddy she would be. Well I guess Darby did. I'm so glad she made me get her! I just love her so much!!!
Jessie
Tomorrow I have to go back to work. I'm kinda ignoring that. I don't wanna go. This has been the best weekend I have had in awhile and I just don't want to go back to the yuck of the work week. It's so bad when you start dreading work on Sunday afternoon! I wish I could take tomorrow off.
Today was great. Two great days in a row is so awesome. That hasn't happened in a really long time! In fact I can't remember the last time. A lot of our family came to visit today. We had a great lunch together and then everyone went to look at mom's new house. She is so excited and that is thrilling to me.
I got some work done around my house this afternoon and then had some time to chill with the girls and just relax and make some bracelets tonight. I'm addicted to the bracelet making I believe. Our new goal is to get a bracelet in each of the 50 states. We have hit 10 already! So if you know anyone outside of Kansas you just have to get them a bracelet! Leave me a message and I can send them out!
Jessie
What a great day! I actually slept in a bit this morning. That was nice. I really needed some sleep. Mom called and woke me up and told me there was a house we needed to go see. So we went. It's great! Just what she needed. So she bought it. Yep, she made the offer, they accepted. It's gonna be hers. I'm so happy for her! I really think it will be great for her.
After the house buying Heather and I went to Olpe and got boxes. Then Betty and I worked on the puzzle and for some reason Heather decided to pack pretty much everything downstairs at my mom's! Seriously she isn't moving for a month and a half and that girl just packed it up. Betty and I got up from the puzzle and it looked like we had been robbed. I think Heather is really excited.
It was such a relaxing, stress free day today. Mom was in such a good mood. Really happy! I haven't seen her happy like that in months. Very cool! For the first time in weeks I wasn't tired. That was sooooo nice. Lena was super good today. She didn't bite Heather's toes once! I'm so proud of her. Just a good relaxing day! The only thing that would make it better would be a fantastic drink and time to read a good book. Maybe I could cram that in before bedtime...
Jessie
Thank God tomorrow will be Friday. I need a weekend. I need a break... I really need to take a trip far far away!!! Someday I will do that. Not this day but someday.
Today was better than yesterday. Hopefully tomorrow will be better than today. Still not good but not so bad...
I'm tired and so is Lena. Off to bed for us!
Jessie
I'm hanging on the edge. I don't know if I can take much more. The past two weeks have been so horrible for me. Watching my mom hurt is just too hard. It's unreal. It would be one thing if it was just the cancer. Cancer is a thing. It can't be blamed really. It can't be controlled.
But when other people hurt her it makes me insane. Watching her cry because her feelings are hurt and she is scared and angry and tired is too much. Knowing that someone is just trying to inflict pain on her and make this all more difficult is to much. It makes me crazy inside.
Cancer is enough but this whole separation thing and division of property crap is unreal. Why Monte won't let it go is beyond me. Why can't he just let her have some peace. He didn't want us. He sat there in the living room in December and said HE wanted a divorce. He made the decision that he didn't want us. Didn't want to be a part of OUR family. So why does he act like he is trying to be this great person when in reality he is only hurting us all more???
Why if he doesn't want to be with us does he call and stop by and talk about the stupidest crap in the world... Who cares about his friends, his kittens, the weather. We are dealing with real life and real issues and we don't give a damn. Don't rub it in our faces that you have moved on to some lovely little stress free life while we try to muddle through the shit he causes... How can he say he ever loved us and gave a damn about us when he can do the crap he is doing???
I've become this bitter nasty person when it comes to the idea of marriage now. Why would I ever allow myself to get in a situation where someone could turn on me at my worst moment and attack me? Screw that. That's what sperm donors and adoption are there for. So I can still have kids and not put up with that risk. There is no way I will ever allow myself to be dependent on a man for ANYTHING!!! I may marry someone someday but I'm certain that I'm working the whole time and I'm not letting him touch my money. I will never depend on someone else for insurance or support of any kind. The moment you trust someone enough and allow them to take care of you for even a moment then they have the power to ruin you. No one is going to do that to me. My mom trusted him and he has turned that trust around and attacked her. It will not happen to me.
Well I'm obviously in a very pretty little place. I'm just all cotton candy and pretty flowers tonight huh... What a downer. I shouldn't have written all that and I shouldn't post it but I'm going too. I'm tired of trying to sugar coat it and be nice. I'm tired of being politically correct and trying to be tough. My whole world is crumbling around me and no one can do a thing to help me. I might as well just call it as it is. CRAP!!!
Jessie
Well bad things happened today. It included my mom sobbing, me being tough and then hysterical later, and much drama in between. I'm fed up with the crap we have to deal with. I just want our normal happy life back. It isn't gonna happen so I should just shut up about it!
Anyways after all that Leslie and I had to go to Ottawa and Garnett for work. I was still crying when we got in the car but through my tears I vowed we would make it a fun trip. If you have to work till 9:00 at night you at least have to make it fun. So we decided to find the humor in things. Here is what we found!
1. Big fat Mexican men should not ride motorcycles without helmets on days when the temperature is 103. This guy seriously had fat rolls also known as hotdogs on the back of his head. It looked like sweaty hotdogs in the lane beside us. All bad!!!
2. Our work car (Ford Focus) has this feature where as you speed up and slow down the radio volume increases or decreases. This is so screwed up for a couple reasons.
2a) A Ford Focus is a piece of crap car. The thing makes a horrible groan if you go over 55, it shakes at 65, and smells bad all the time. Crappy cars shouldn't have those kind of features. Whatever happened to cruise control.... That's a feature the Focus can pull off. Not the radio thing.
2b) Leslie is a horrible driver. She speeds up and slows down often and quickly. Therefore this feature is incredibly stressful. When I begin to scream as she drives 90 cutting off semi's no one can hear me over the radio to send help. Then other times when is crawling along at 20 on the shoulder after the cops stop us I can't hear my favorite song anymore. Overall the feature just sucks!
There were a couple other funny things I was gonna tell you but Lena was in the kennel way to long today and is eating my toes of for attention. So I'm done for the night.
Jessie
Today was actually a good day. It's about time for one! Work was busy but not nearly as horrible as last week. No drama. So that is always good. In fact we had Staci's baby shower today. I am beginning to wonder if she is ever having that baby! It seems like she has been pregnant forever. I asked her the other day if it was a baby elephant but she didn't think that was too funny.
Lena was wound up tonight. I took her out to mom's and she wouldn't chill out so we went on a walk. The walk to the mailbox and back usually wears her out but not tonight. So we watered the flowers in the back and she was still wound up so we watered in the front yard and still she was crazy. You would think all that running around would chill her out but no!
I usually leave her on the back porch at mom's. She can be in my house but I don't take her in mom's. She has never really tried to get in the house. But tonight she snuck past us and got in about five times. So then we had to chase her around and catch her and put her back outside. I don't know what the deal was. She isn't usually like that. I think she has figured out that the fun is inside... At least mom likes her and doesn't get upset about it.
For some reason mom calls her Muffin. It think that is so pathetic. It makes her sound like a little sissy. Heather thinks it's all kinds of cute. Since it's mom I let her get away with it but anyone else and we would have to have a little discussion about that. Muffin my butt. It makes it sound like she is edible. And eating puppies is all kids of wrong in my opinion.
Jessie
I'm so disappointed that the weekend is over. I don't want to go back to work... I pretty much hate it anymore. I just have a hard time with it. I would really love to just walk away. But then I paid bills today and there is no way I could quit. Heck I couldn't miss a day right now. I need a money tree. I wish I could grow those.
Spent the afternoon at mom's house. That was nice. She seemed to be feeling a little better.
Did laundry and paid bills and cleaned house tonight. All the things I hate! Oh what fun...
Jessie
Here are some pictures... 
Miss Lena eating a treat
Mother's Day 2006
Ghost Hunting! Don't know for sure what it is but I think we got something...
Another creepy ghost hunting picture
The crazy big puzzle we did out at my mom's...
Jessie
Thank God the weekend is here. This has just been the worst week! Work was horrible, the worst I've ever had at this job. My mom had a rough week which means I had a rough week. Yes I know that is called being enmeshed and I don't care. That's what we are. And we do just fine that way.
But the week is over and the weekend is going so much better!!! I tried to sleep in this morning but some nameless people (Darby and Cricket) think they need to call me at the butt crack of dawn. Lena was even letting me sleep but those two kept calling! So I finally answered the phone so they wouldn't send a search party or something.
Went house hunting with my mom. We found two great houses. One for her and one for me... I wish I could afford to move right now. The house for me was just adorable. I so loved it!!! Someday someday... If only I could sell a few more shakes! I'm hoping my mom's separation stuff with Monte will be resolved next week so she can make a bid on a house and we can get her moved. I think that would help her feel a little more in control.
This afternoon my grandparents and my aunt and uncle Tom and Phyllis showed up at my house. They cut down my drooping tree limbs, fixed my dishwasher, trimmed my yard, weeded my flowers beds and brought me a different mower to use while they work on fixing mine! How awesome is that!!! It was so nice of them. I was standing on my front steps tonight and I could see clearly with no limbs hanging down and I loved it! I'm so glad they came and helped me.
Went to mom's this evening and it was a good time. Charlie, Adair, and Sara came by to visit which was great. They are always great to see. Betty is still here though she thinks she is leaving tomorrow. What she doesn't know is that mom slipped me a $20 to let the air out of her tires so she can't leave us.
Now I'm chilling with Miss Lena. I got her a treat ball thing that you put the snacks in and then she has to push around to get one out. She loves it! It's been keeping her busy for awhile now.
I'm hoping to download some pictures and get them on the site tonight. The batteries in my camera just died so I will have to check and see if I have more. If so I will get some on in a bit.
Jessie
I'm still alive. I've just been really busy. It's crazy at work and then I've been busy after work and before I know it days have passed before I've posted. Sorry about that.
We made more bracelets last night. Doreen got pictures of the bracelets scanned and is going to email them to me so I will post them on here when she does. That way you can kinda see what they look like. They all look different but at least you can see the charms, etc.
Well better get back to work.
Jessie
