Fool

I'm a total idiot! I think I did the dumbest thing in my life tonight. If there was a hole in my yard I would crawl in it!!!

I've had this friend for a long time. Actually he is pretty much friends with my entire family. Let's call him "S". Well everyone has been telling me for well months that "S" really likes me. And I've kinda secretly liked him for a long time too. We kinda flirt and joke but never say much about it. But like the last two weeks I'm just sure he really likes me.

Honestly the last couple weeks I've really thought about it and there are a million reasons that I should be with "S" and so few reasons that I shouldn't. In all honesty I think I could be with him forever. Like I almost thought I really might love him. Crazy I know!!! Such a stupid girl.

I never trust anyone and I totally trust him and I feel real with him and safe with him and so I decided that enough was enough and I would just tell him. I don't know why today seemed like the day to do that but it did. So I get in my car and drive to his place and just spill my guts. I tell him everything! I'm not sure driving there what his response will be but I'm thinking it will be okay. He may be nervous but I'm just convinced he really likes me too. Everyone says he does. So I tell him EVERYTHING! I just start rambling like a fool and don't stop.

And what does he do.... He laughs!!!! He LAUGHED!!!! And then he said "Now is not the time." WHAT??????? Not the response I thought I'd get. So I say I'm leaving and we just need to forget that I said any of this. And he says "No we don't need to forget it, just not at this time." Again WHAT?????????????? I totally work up the nerve to tell you everything and you say it's not the time. Oh yes indeed it is the time. We have been playing this stupid game for years. It's past the time. I'm an idiot! So I'm home now and I've only puked once. I guess that is good. I'm gonna go to bed now and pretend that in the morning this will have all been a bad dream...

Out
Jessie