Alone

Well mom and Donna headed for Chicago today. She will be gone till Monday so I'm alone again. I hate it when she leaves. This morning I went and ate breakfast with her and then cried for a good while after I left there. But I kinda got it back together for a decent rest of the day.

Now I'm home and lonely. I hate the night. We were talking about it at work today and the night is always the worst! It's long and dark. But it will be okay. I worked out again and I've painted my toenails. I'm gonna be okay. It's just 8 1/2 hours till morning...

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. I'm switching doctors. My old doctor who I loved was mom's doctor. And now he won't look me in the eye. I think he feels like he let me down. And when I tried to talk to him about putting me on different meds for depression or anxiety and he couldn't handle my crying. I don't blame him for mom being sick and I'm not angry with him at all. In fact he is my favorite doctor. But I need different meds. What I'm on isn't working and he doesn't seem willing to work with me on it... So new doctor. But I get to keep my super nurse Angela.

So tomorrow hopefully this new doctor will change my meds. She is also gonna run my A1c test for my diabetes. Meds that work would be a good thing. I don't worry so much about the depression. I think it's pretty natural to be depressed right now. But there are times when I get so upset I can't get calmed down and then I throw up and that doesn't work for me. I mainly need something that would help take the edge off of the really bad moments. So she needs to hook me up with the good stuff!

Me