Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Thousands of Tears

I feel like I've cried thousands of tears today. How I can continue to produce them I will never know. It's like I've gone into a depth of pain I could never imagine before. A horrible horrible nightmare that seems never ending...

This morning when I woke up I kept willing myself back to sleep. I just had a feeling that today would be bad. That it would be the day things changed. The drive to the hospital this morning was long. I kept thinking cancer, cancer, cancer. Though everyone else was optimistic. I should have stayed in bed. Maybe then it wouldn't be real.

My mom is so positive right now. She has a grace and a calm that is inspiring. I need to be strong for her. I need to accept this and fight with her. Tommorow I will be stronger I promise!

I think I may take that Family Medical Leave from work. You can take three months in a year. I'm gonna talk to them about that this week sometime. I wouldn't get paid during that but I'm sure my Dad and Cricket would help me. God will provide. I won't go homeless. I just think that may be what I need to do. My Dad is coming here so he can help me decide.

I should try to go to sleep again.


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