Today

It's been an odd day. It started out good. I went to water aerobics this morning and then stayed for lap swim after that. I think the swimming is a good plan for me to keep doing. You can cry in the pool and no one notices. That's a good thing lately.

This afternoon Heather and I had a long talk. Not an easy discussion but one we needed to have. We feel like we are betraying mom to talk about the what-if's because she is so optimistic. But I think we also need to be realistic and Heather and I needed to discuss what we were thinking and feeling. At least we were able to get it out there on the table. We aren't stupid. We have read every single bit of information we can find about pancreatic cancer and it's not good. We have to be prepared. You can still be optimistic and be informed. However, it's a hard dance we do.

Tonight we all went to church together. Shawn and Amanda even went. It was nice to all sit in a pew together and no one got in trouble. :-) Tommorow I'm of course hanging with my mom. I'm hoping we can snag a little alone time together. It's hard with so many people around but yesterday I went with her when she went to lay down and we just laid on her bed and talked. Not really about anything in particular just had some time together. That's become important to me. Those nap times.

I don't know why God has given this to us. But I know there is a reason. I keep thinking I'm so grateful it's us and not some of my other family members. My cousins Sara and Todd are only children and I can't imagine what that would be like. At least Heather and I have one another to lean on and that makes it easier. Someone told me today that they are praying for a miracle and I just want to scream at them that this may already be the miracle. It's miraculous that we have TIME! Time is a luxury that many people do not have. My mom could have died in a car wreck and been gone instantly. But we still have time. We are already blessed.

Over and Out
Jessie