Plumbing Gone Bad

At no point should I be a plumber! In fact when it comes to any type of bathroom repair work I just need to steer clear. I've known this for quite awhile. However, tonight I seem to have forgotten that.

Since my mom gets tired in the shower hospice brought this shower attachment and shower chair so she can sit in the shower. Great idea. Well we hooked it up in the hall bath as her bathroom wasn't done being remodeled yet. Well it is finished now. So tonight all I had to do was unscrew the shower attachment from one shower and move it to another. Simple right... Not for me....

The shower attachment had a plastic head that covered the metal piece that screwed onto the nozzle. Well as I was trying to unscrew the head the plastic broke off! So then the attachment just fell off. So then I had to unscrew the metal piece and reattach the old shower head. The whole time I'm doing this my Aunt Donna is on the phone with my Uncle Charlie trying to find out if I really screwed it up. I'm sure he is sick of us trying to fix things!

So once I get the old shower head attached I decide that I can somehow fix this shower attachment to work. So I head to the newly remodeled master bath and attach the metal piece. I then attach the broken plastic piece to the metal piece. Why I did this I do not know. I really thought I could make it work. My mom has cancer shouldn't I get a break on something... Well I attach it and then turn on the shower. It worked right for about 30 seconds. Long enough for me to feel really proud and then the water started shooting out from around the broken piece. My little project did not work. So now my mom can't use either shower. Isn't that just great! We are gonna call hospice in the morning and explain that I'm an idiot and destroyed the things that are supposed to help her and ask them to bring another one. I swear I won't attach it or unattach it or break it!!!

Jessie

Thanks

Okay you all need to visit this site! http://www.letssaythanks.com/Home.html

I think this is a really awesome idea! What you do is pick out a thank you card. Insert your name and hometown and pick a thank you message. Then the card is sent to a member of the military that is serving our country in Iraq! This is just a really great and simple way to say thank you!

My brother-in-law is in Iraq and he and his family give so much so he can serve our country. My niece Morghan and nephew Dalton have loaned their daddy to all of us. He misses their ball games, parties, bed time stories, and dinner every night so he can serve us. If they and so many other children can sacrifice time with their parents we can take two minutes to send a thank you note.

Go to the site and send a note! It will make you feel good about you!!!

Jessie

New Pics

During a break in the rain today I went out and took some pictures. All of these were taken in my mom's backyard. We transplanted the flowers from her old house to her new place so I was shocked they bloomed. But I think it's really pretty....

No Moving

Well the ticker isn't moving this week. I weighed this morning and I stayed exactly the same. I was really hoping it would have gone down a bit but staying the same is better than moving up! I should just be grateful.

It's a good thing I weigh on Sunday's and not Monday's because I ate a ridiculous amount of food today! We had the best meals at my mom's house today. Egg Casserole for breakfast, chili corn dogs at lunch, and chicken and noodles for dinner! I ate so much I hurt. I don't know why I do that! I seriously feel like I could just roll around the house.

Mom fell today. That was pretty dang scary! She got up by herself from her nap and fell in the bathroom. We always help her get around but didn't know she was up. Luckily she only has some bumps and bruises. It could have been so much worse. We have been so worried about her falling and then having it happen just really freaked us all out. What a mess!

Me

Rain

It's raining here which means Lena gets to wear her raincoat! She is not nearly as excited about it as I am. But here she is in all her rainy day glory!

What I do

Well Julie asked what I do for a living. I'm a social worker. I work in the foster care area. I actually work with families whose children are in foster care. My goal is to reintegrate children with their bio families when possible. If it isn't safe or not possible for some other reason we work towards adoption or another permanency option.

I get to do all kinds of crazy stuff! UA people, testify at hearings, write court reports, explore incredibly dirty home, I've battled roaches and rats and I'm quite good at detecting the smell of drugs or roaches from several feet away! I get to deal with some of the craziest people and some of the coolest people in the world in my opinion.

My job is crazy stressful which is why I'm grateful to be off work for awhile. FMLA is my friend. But it's pretty rewarding too. Today I testified at a hearing to terminate a parents rights to their children. Sad in some ways, really awesome in others. I know now that the kids involved have a shot at a real family now. People that will be invested in their lives. And that is pretty freaking amazing in my book. So sometimes the stress of it is worth it... The payoff doesn't come often but just enough to keep me going back for more.

Jess

Hard Working

Well went to work today! Been awhile since I had to do that. It was actually a little bit okay. I liked doing my hair and wearing my cute clothes. That part was fun. The testifying part was fun. The dealing with clients part was not fun. But it's done with and I don't have to go back anytime soon. So that is awesome.

Mom had a weird day today. She slept a lot. Like most of the day. That's not so good. But she was in a good mood when she was awake this evening and was pretty dang funny! She was cracking us up. It may be little bits of time that we get now but they are worth the wait. I just love her

Me

New Blog

Okay this blog used to be fun. It used to be funny! Then my mom got sick and I turned into a depressed freak. So I'm tired of that. But I still need a place to vent. So I'm keeping this blog. But I'm starting a new blog too. A fun blog. A place to find me again. So check it out. It's called Who Are We and the link is on the side.

Jessie

Hotter than Africa

It's so hot today! I had gotten spoiled with the couple cooler days we had. I'm so tired of the heat. I keep praying for fall!!! I really want to wear a jacket and be comfortable. I want my cute hair and makeup back. I have just given up on doing the hair at this point. There is no reason to waste the time when it gets yanked into a ponytail 20 minutes after I leave the house anyway.

Mom was pretty much the same today. Not any improvement or decline. She has a hard time staying focused but was able to talk with us today. She just seems very tired.

I actually have to work tomorrow. Even though I'm off work on FMLA I still have to go to court hearings. We have a termination of parental rights hearing tomorrow so I have to be there for that at 9:00 so I can testify. Yippee. I'm dreading having to wear real clothes! I've been living in my old navy clothes ever since leave started. I can't believe I'll have to wear something other than a tee. Yuck! I'm sure I'll make it through though.

Jessie

Good Things

Okay I'm only posting good things today...

1. Today was the official end of paint season! Everything that needed to be painted at my mom's is painted!!!! I'm done smelling paint fumes for awhile!

2. The master bathroom is finished. Completely finished! Toilet is set, vanity is in place, shower installed, painting done. FINISHED!!!

3. I was able to do all the sit-ups on my workout DVD tonight. Usually I have to skip a few but today I was able to do them all! I'm getting stronger!!!!

4. MY HOUSE IS CLEAN!!!!

5. Darbis sent me a cool card in the mail. I love happy mail!

6. I feel calmer today!

7. I was able to fill up my car today and gas was only $2.87! What a steal!!!

8. I found 74 cents in the washing machine today.

9. My cousins Brent and Sara came to visit today and they were very funny!

10. Since the house is picked up and laundry is done I'm gonna actually have time to sit and read tonight instead of trying to do not fun things!

That's it

Jessie

That Roy

Well when crisis hits Roy shows up. For you new readers Roy is my ex. We were together along time and have been apart along time. But he always seems to show up when I'm losing it. And somehow he makes it okay.

Right now he is cleaning my house like a mad man. I have been helping but I stop to take breaks and cry. But he is a cleaning fool. He came over to my mom's tonight when things weren't going so great there. I guess he is trying to fix it the only way he knows how.

My mom was really disoriented tonight. She kept saying things like ghostbusters and pointing at things that we couldn't see. I think maybe she sees angels or something. She also said that a man brought her 9 plates of flowers and that they were beautiful. Her breathing has slowed down and her hands are cold. I don't think she has much longer left.

I kept holding her hand tonight and for some reason I really thought that I could will life back into her. I can't. A part of me so wants her to stay alive forever and ever. And then that other part of me hates to watch her suffer like this and I want her to have peace. It is such a difficult situation.

Well the vacuum is attacking my feet now so I'm signing off!

Jessie

Tired

Well as you can see my ticker changed! I lost three pounds this week. That is pretty cool. I'm very pleased with that. Maybe all those workouts and all the painting is paying off.

It's been a long couple of days. I'm just so tired. My mom is doing worse today. She was really confused and just seems a bit withdrawn. Hospice seems to think if she keeps on this path she only has about a month left. Each day I think it can't get worse and then it does. What is scary is that the worst is ahead of us. I think today is bad and then in two weeks it will be even worse and I don't know how much more I can take.

I don't know how to explain how tired I am. It's not just like being sleepy. It's not like my muscles are worn out. It's like my heart is tired. It's like every day it gets pushed to the breaking point and shatters more each day and then I spend the whole day trying to wish and pray and think hard enough to rebuild so it can break again the next day. And it's exhausting. It's like someone is sucking all the love and life and laughter out of my very core. Like who I am is disappearing and I don't know if I will find her again. I liked me before and I'm scared I won't ever be me again.

I can't seem to get it together enough to clean my house. And I know to some people a clean house isn't a big deal but to me it is HUGE! If my house is out of order it is a clear indicator that I am out of order. And I sit here and look around and I know how to fix it and pick it up and I just can't do it. It's the one thing I really need to do and I just can't seem to do it. And I don't know why. I start and then stop. I think of something and then forget. I just want to clean my house and I can't even seem to do that...

And I'm covered in paint. I need to go shower and clean up so I can go back to my mom's. I ought to take a nap first but I probably won't. Sleeping doesn't seem to make me untired anymore.

Jess

Much Better

Oh today was a much better day! I had breakfast with my mom and she was feeling much better today. Having the pain under control makes a big difference. After some time with her this morning I headed out for a day for me!

I got my hair done. My red is back!!! I love it. It's just beautiful and perfect and just the way I like it. My girl had been on maternity leave for what felt like 2 years so it has been a way long time since I've had my highlights done. I'm digging it.

Then I had a dentist appointment. Boo on that. I hate the dentist. But ya gotta go or your teeth rot out so I went and no cavities.

Then I went and got a hot stone massage. That is a little bit of heaven right there! I feel like I really got relaxed there for a bit. Like I didn't think about anything! Just pure nothingness. I like that. I should get that done once a week. When I when the lottery I will do that!

I want to thank Rob and Justin for the nice comments. I appreciate your prayers!

Jessie

Rough One

It has been on heck of a day. Very emotional today! My mom and I had a long talk this morning about the possibility that she won't beat this cancer. We talked about heaven and how much we love one another and how much I still need her. It was emotional and hard but I guess it's time we face this.

Then this afternoon she had a lot of pain and got upset. I hate seeing her cry so I was pretty much a mess too. I just wish I could help her somehow. I feel like she is being tortured. How horrible it must be to have your mind and heart so want to be alive and have your body turning against ya. I just want to dig up a magic wand somewhere and make it okay for her.

This whole thing just sucks!

Jess

Urgh

I'm so overwhelmed today. It's just been one of those days. Lots of people have called and visited today and I've spent a lot of time talking about my mom. I love my mom and I love talking about her but repeating all the same news over and over is exhausting. I don't know how to answer people now when they ask how she is.

If I say not good I sound pessimistic. If I say it was a good day it sounds too optimistic. If I say she is hanging in there it's like she is hovering close to heaven. What in the heck do I say????? She has pancreatic cancer, how good do you think she is?

This whole thing is just so odd. Today she got a wheelchair. To many places don't have them and we just needed one for her so she can actually go out when she wants. So hospice brings the wheelchair and they show us how to use it. The Donna and I try to get the thing in the car. What an ordeal! That wheelchair has more levers and knobs and we didn't know what we were doing. So much for the lesson. When the hospice lady did it it looked way easy! We finally got it figured out and loaded and it worked today so mom could go to the mall. But it made me think of all the things we have learned in the past 6 months. Who would have ever thought a year ago we would be doing the things we are doing. I've learned more in 6 months about medical things, financial things, remodeling, and life in general than I feel like I have my whole life prior. CRAZY! No wonder my head hurts so much!!!

Me

Coat

Oh my goodness it was so cool today! It was just beautiful out. I mowed mom's yard today and it wasn't miserable. It was such a change I almost put my coat on! I am so used to the heat I just didn't know what to do!!!

I found this cool site that I think folks need to check out. It is www.realage.com Really a neat site. You fill out this survey thing and it tells you what your real age is versus what your calendar age is. Like my calendar age is 26.1 and my real age is 26.9. Then it gives you a list of things you can do to reduce your real age. It is really awesome!

On a side note my new bra is AMAZING!!! I feel like a new woman today. I look slimmer, my clothes fit better, my back doesn't hurt and I have perkier boobs! What a great thing!!!!

Jessie

So Strange

Darby and I went to Topeka today to shop. So many strange things happened. It really was a weird day!!!

Strange Incident #1

We go to Dillard's to get bras. There is this little sign that says that 85% of women wear the wrong size bra. So to prove I'm not in the majority I get sized. I have forever worn a 40DD. Well the little bra sizing chic tells me oh no I'm supposed to wear a 44G!!!! What in the world. I didn't even know they made bras that big! You could carry a small child around in a bra that big. It is just all wrong. But I bought one and it's comfy and my boobs actually look smaller in it. AMAZING!!!!

Strange Incident #2

Darby needs a cartridge for her printer. We look at best buy and they don't have it. But they tell us about this discount ink place that has them. We go there. It was way weird. The guy was really creepy and said some odd things. And it just felt all wrong. We are thinking that the cartridge sales are a cover for some shady dealings there. Seriously I'm thinking they are running prostitutes or shooting pornos in that place. I'm never going there!!!!

Strange Incident #3

Driving home from Topeka the Jeep starts making this weird noise. It's a squealing obnoxious sound. Darby says that it's the back hatch but it was all kinds of loud. It was annoying the heck out of me so she turned the radio up all loud like. But the noise got louder too. It was like it was in competition with the radio. I think her jeep is alive and upset about something.

Strange Incident #4

I got Lena a raincoat at Old Navy. Yes I know dressing dogs is weird. I always swore I wouldn't do it but she hates to get wet. So I got her the coat. I put it on her tonight and she HATED it. I guess she doesn't understand that it will keep her from getting wet. She just really hated it. But it looked way cute on...

Strange Incident #5

Darby and I got a new dance workout DVD today. We thought it looked really cool. We tried it tonight. It is anything but cool! It was way fast and hard to follow and I finally gave up and just did the two dances I know. The Sprinkler and the Robot. Darby started laughing so hard at me that I thought she was gonna pee on my floor! So we gave up on the video and just laughed the pounds off tonight. I think it was a good workout.

Over and Out

Jessie

Kid Pics

I've taken some cute kid pictures lately. Jorgen, Bel, and Caden are easy to get pictures of. Photogenic children!!! Aren't they adorable....I just love them!

Forces of Nature

I'm really beginning to believe that there is some force working against me. Why is it that nothing ever ever ever goes according to plan. The simplest thing turns into an event!!!

This morning I just wanted to get up and mow my yard. That of course turned into a whole saga that is to lame to post. However, I will tell you that the thing that shoots the grass out fell off the mower. I didn't think this was too big of a deal. I thought I would finish the yard and then reattach it. Well it's a big deal. When that isn't on there the grass shoots right back at ya. And with it comes acorns! An acorn flew out of the mower at about 850 miles per hour and slammed into my head! I really thought blood was going to be involved. So of course I stopped and reattached the thing immediately. Aunt Donna seems to think I should wear a helmet to mow! Now that would be cute. It's already a scary enough site when I mow but a helmet would make it all the better....

Went to Sutherlands, the hardware store tonight. Went with Mom, Donna, and Betty. They were having a big 20% off thing tonight so we were armed with a list of stuff for the house. It was gonna be an in and out quick like trip. Well no! Everyone in town must have been there! And could we find anything????????? Mom seems to believe that anyone wearing a blue shirt works at Sutherlands so she kept asking random people where things were. Then Tom, our bank president, stopped to talk to mom. He just asked if she was finding everything she was looking for. Making small talk. Well Donna took that and ran with it. She asked him about a million questions and finally we had to yell that he doesn't work there! We can't go anywhere. I swear every place in town must see us and cringe. What an ordeal. And why in the hell does that place not have air conditioning? It had to be 110 in there. So not only was it crowded but it was hotter than Africa. By the time we left there everyone was in a grumpy mood!

It's just been a wonderful day! I can't wait to get up tomorrow and see what crap is gonna come my way.

Jessie

Update

Well it's been a week on the workout plan! I have worked out twice a day all week and I've been doing manual labor at my mom's house all day everyday this week so I was just sure that it would be a BIG loss this week. I was wrong! When I weighed two days ago to get a feel of where I was at it said I gained two pounds. I was pretty disappointed. But when I got on the scale for weigh in today, my official day it was one pound down. Not what I was hoping for but I'm moving in the right direction. Yippee!

I've also added a few more sites in the sidebar. Gardening 1 on 1 is a great site. You all know how much I love to work in my flower beds, etc. This site gives great tips! Check it out!!!

I've added Chaos Index. This is a great blog with AMAZING pictures!!! This guy is good! I really enjoy it.

And Aspiring Comedian is all sorts of funny. If you need a laugh that is the blog to hit!

This week off work hasn't felt like down time. My mom's bathroom is for the most part done. Done as far as what I can do. The wall paper is striped the paint is on. Now the closet has to be built, the toilet set and the vanity set. After that I'll do some touch up but no big deal for me.

I'm hoping next week will be more relaxing. I don't know if that is going to happen though. This is all just really stressful! Heather did come home to visit with mom this weekend. That is nice. Even though she comes home and all my aunts are there I still feel very alone. I have a hard time processing all that is happening to my mom and how it is going to change everything. Some days I seem okay and get through the day. Other days it all feels new again and I'm a mess. I don't know that I will ever adjust to this!

I still pray every day for a miracle. I beg God to make her better. Let me wake up and go to her house and have her be 40 pounds heavier, working in her yard and not taking medicine! But I don't think God is going to do that for us. Sometimes we don't get what we pray for. I suppose we get what we need though and that will have to be good enough...

So that's my week. Kinda crappy folks.. I'm not in too great of a place. Wish I could make it all pretty and funny but I don't have the energy today.

Jessie

Ringing

Well yesterday I admitted defeat with MCI. I spent another 45 minutes trying to get things straightened out with them and they were again no help. So I gave up and called AT&T. Amazingly I didn't have any hold time and immediately my call was answered by a nice English speaking man. He wasn't able to help me but he connected me with a person that could. Only had to wait about 30 seconds to get connected with the most helpful girl in the world Natalie.

Miss Natalie was shocked at my horror story and said she would be more than happy to help me! In less than 15 minutes she set me up with a new phone account, was able to reinstate the old number and told me to have a good day! I did because of her!!! She told me it would take 3-5 days for the phone to get working which I was fine with. MCI had told me 10-15. So I was thrilled at the idea of 3 days!

Well today at 2:15 the phone rang. In 24 hours AT&T did what MCI couldn't do in 20 days! How amazing is that. The phone rang and I excitedly answered. I couldn't wait to see who the first call would be from. And to my amazement it was account services at MCI!!!!! I about fell over. The gal did speak English and she told me that it had come to her attention that I had switched my service to another provider and she wanted to know what they could do to get me back as a customer!!!!

Oh Lordy! She had no idea who she had called! I explained that I tried for 20 days to keep my phone service with MCI. I explained that I had talked with 5 different supervisors, 7 different regular employees and wasted 500 cell phone minutes BEGGING MCI to connect my service. I advised in a not to nice way that I had gone out of my way to stay a customer of MCI and they didn't want a thing to do with me. So I was pretty surprised that she wanted to help me now...

She of course apologized and said she would do whatever it took to get me back as a customer. Regretfully I declined her offer. Never again will I do business with MCI! What idiots!!!! AT&T RULES!!!

Jessie

Exhausted

I'm so worn out tonight. I worked out two times today which is plenty. But I also spent the day stripping wallpaper at my mom's house. This is the last room! But it's a mess. People really should not be allowed to wallpaper. It's so hard to get it off. I'm guessing I burnt a ton of calories today so I should be thrilled. But I'm to tired to get excited at this point...

I'm gonna limp to bed

Jessie

MCI

MCI is the devil. They must be the worst phone company in the world. I'm so frustrated with them!!! I called two weeks ago to have mom's phone transferred to her new house. I had to wait 1 hour and 18 minutes to get a person that day to spend 5 minutes on the phone with me to arrange the transfer. The fool I talked to then said that it would take 10-15 days to complete the transfer. I explained that was ridiculous so he said that he would expedite it. However, the 15 days was today and still no phone!!!!

So I call today. I wait 31 minutes and get a person. I explain why I am calling and they inform me that the CANCELED her service instead of transferring it. I explain that they need to turn it back on and transfer the number. I won't even go into all the bullshit they told me on that first 1 hour call but it was a lot. It ended with them saying they would put the work orders in and call me back.

At 8:15 they called me back. They told me that since I was establishing new service they had to run a credit check and it would be three days!!!! WHAT? I again explained that they made a mistake and canceled my service that I didn't. For some reason even if they screw up they make your wait. Then as if my blood pressure wasn't high enough this fool tells me that after three days IF I'm approved then they will put in the move order and it will be working 10-15 days from then. I thought my head was going to blow off at this point!!!

So because the people are so super smart that work at MCI I talked very loudly and very slowly to try and explain to them once again. If they accidentally shut off the phone then why would they need to transfer the line. If the number is shut off then they just need to reassign the number to me and the new address. If the phone is disconnected the number does not need to be transferred. She thanked me for my loyal business with MCI and tried to hang up!!! Then I lost it. Since I'm pretending to be my mom to do all this I started yelling. I yelled that I have cancer and have to have a phone and that they are basically idiots that screwed this up and I want to know what needs to happen so I can have a phone in the next 48 hours. She told me to call back tomorrow.... We went around and around about another 10 minutes until I knew I just had to stop or really my head was gonna just come right off.

I'm not calling them again. What I'm doing is calling another phone company and they can make it right. I'm never doing business with MCI again and neither is my mom! And my recommendation to all of you out there is to never do business with them either. I think they must all be dumber than a box of rocks! And what is with no one speaking english. I swear I talked to 4 different supervisors with MCI today and not a one of them spoke English clearly. This isn't usually an issue for me but if you are gonna try to screw me over at least do it clearly! I don't want to have to decipher your broken up lying words while I try to figure out how to fix my own problem that you seem unable to fix even though you work in "customer service".

I'm taking some extra happy pills tonight....

Jessie

Bum

Today is my first day not working! I thought I'd be an unemployed bum but that didn't happen. I got up and worked out! See I'm sticking with it!!! Then I had a flat tire so I dealt with that. Then I went to mom's and painted her laundry room. I came home and played with the dogs then went to a meeting about Relay for Life and then went back to mom's to water her plants and hang out for awhile. So I think I'm gonna be okay in the busy department even though I'm not working....

The Relay For Life meeting was awesome! I'm the team captain and our team name is Dee's Diva's. We of course are walking in honor of my mom! I'm really excited about this. Not only is it a great way to honor her it's a great way to raise money for American Cancer Society. And we all know that money means research and research means a cure! We need a cure!!!! So if I can do anything to help get it there I will do it. I figure if my mom can fight like she is then I can walk and raise some money. I really think it will be a lot of fun.

Over and Out
Jessie

What a Day

Today has been quite a day. I got a lot done around my house! But then I didn't really have an option. When I woke up this morning Lena had shredded a bunch of Kleenex. Like an entire box. She also drug all the shoes out of my closet. I even took pictures...
That was a nice way to wake up. So I had to clean up that mess and if I was doing that I might as well keep going. So my house looks halfway decent already. That's a good thing.

Spent the late afternoon and early evening at my mom's house. We had a good talk today. It has been awhile since we have been able to really talk. Sometimes she is too tired, or her meds are screwed up or it just doesn't happen. But tonight we got like a straight 10 minute period to just talk. It made me feel a little better about some things.

I'm going to mediate for the dogs. Here are the two of them actually attempting to play nice....



Me

Girl Fight

There's gonna be a girl fight... That song is the soundtrack of my week with the dogs. Lena and Izzie so do not get along. Izzie is such a good dog and Lena is so very BAD!!! Lena just pushes and pushes and Izzie gets ticked. At 5:00 this morning Lena woke me up freaking out. She wanted to go outside..... well she pretended she did. Actually she just wanted to get up and bug Izzie.

Izzie has a long tail. Like lots of hair on her tail. It looks like a ponytail. Lena LOVES hair. She thinks it is her job to yank it and eat it and take ponytails out. She is constantly pulling mine and it hurts. Well she went after Izzie's hair. But Izzie's ponytail doesn't come out. It's attached to her butt. So there was quite an ordeal over that. I try to tell Lena it's not nice to pull people's butt hair but she doesn't listen to me. Naughty dog...

So now it's been almost an hour I've been up. I ought to just stay up at this point but I'm not really wanting too. I'm pretty tired. I think the lung pain situation still has me a bit wiped out. But I don't know if either of them are going to quit barking long enough for me to go to sleep. Good times around here!

Me

Order

Well my life has been completely out of order since February when we found out my mom had cancer. My house is chaos, my schedule is chaos, my job is chaos, my heart is chaos and my health is chaos. I'm tired of it. So this morning when I woke up I decided I'm reclaiming a little bit of my life.

So this is the plan. FlyLady is back on duty. When I do flylady the house always looks so much better, I spend less money, and feel more in control. So that is a must! Starting today I'm doing it and doing it right.

My schedule will probably still be hectic but I don't have to go to work anymore. My last day was Friday and I'm on leave now so that is it. That means the work chaos is out the window and I should have much more time to focus on my mom and stuff around my house and my life. Amazing!

My heart being so screwed up may not change for a long time. It's pretty broken right now. Going through all this is pretty heartbreaking and overwhelming. But I'm hoping that the time I have to spend with my mom will help that some.

My health is the big thing. I have to get my blood sugar and blood pressure under control. The only way I can do that is diet and exercise. Darby and I have been walking but I'm stepping it up. There is no reason that I can't work out in the mornings now since I don't have to work. I can work out in the morning on my own and then walk with Darby in the evening. And I got out all my diabetes diet books and I'm going to start following it again. For breakfast and lunch at least. Dinner is always at my mom's house and is usually pretty healthy anyways.

So with the changes I'm making around the house I've decided I ought to change up my site a bit. I've added some great blogs that I'm reading in the sidebar. You can click them and check them out. Flip this Body is a great site. Julie is blogging her weightloss journey and is quite the inspiration. I like that she is so accountable. I'm motivated now. I even added a weightloss ticker at the bottom of my site. That way I know that you all know if I'm losing or not. I'll update it every week with my progress. Maybe the accountablity will keep me focused.

23 and Counting is a very fun site. She always has cool topics and is pretty fun. Life According to Me is my friend Laci's site. She doesn't update very often but I keep checking in hoping she will get on the blogging bandwagon fulltime. :-) Hint Hint Girl!!! I've also added a link to the FlyLady site so you can check it out and get motivated too!

That's what I know...

Jessie

Lung Pain

I've got a pain in my lung. Actually it's pretty much my whole chest and goes down one arm. When it started I thought it was a heart attack. It's not. The doctor says my heart is fine. I do however have pleurisy. Now that is a fun thing to have. So now I have a pain in my lung, steroids to take, an antibiotic to take and pain killers that don't work. So that is thrilling.

Who would know that pleurisy could hurt so bad. Who knew that people actually get such a thing. I'd never heard of it before. I wish I still hadn't heard of it. It's no fun. When I take deep breaths it hurts more so every once in awhile I take a breath and then have to grab my chest. It freaks people out. That is kinda funny. I did it twice at Wal-mart while I was waiting on my scripts to get done. Nothing like scaring people at the Wal-mart. Good times.

I'm gonna try to sleep. But the steroids make me all kinds of wired. In fact I may just repaint my house. I feel like I could get it all done in one night other than the sharp pain when moving or breathing. That's what is really cruel. The steroids make you all wired and the pain is debilitating. So it is much like going 100 miles and hour in one spot. In kinda riding a stationary bike like I'm Lance Armstrong. Lotta power not a lotta movement.

Night all

Jessie

Adoption Day

Today was the coolest day I have ever had at my job! A little girl that has been on my caseload since she was just a little thing was adopted today. She is 3 now and adorable! It was the most amazing thing I've had the opportunity to be a part of. She is the whole reason I've hung in there and waited to take FMLA. I really wanted to be there to see her get a permanent family.

I got her a gift and a gift for her parents. They are amazing people. I'm really going to miss seeing them. We were all saying our goodbyes and exchanging contact info for the future and her mom and I were both crying some. She kept saying "no crying, it's my day." Her entire extended family was there. It was like 30 people and just really awesome to me. I'm adopted and it's the coolest thing in the world. I think it's pretty neat that I had the opportunity to help her get that in her life. So worth the crap I put up with every day at that job. It may take 2 1/2 years to get the pay off but I got it today. I'm a happy girl.

Jessie

Dog Days

What a day! Darby, Chris and Caden left for their first family vacation today. So their adorable dog Izzie came to stay with me. Lena doesn't quite know what to think of this.... So far we have learned a few things...

1. Lena has no boundaries.

2. Izzie has boundaries and gets real pissy when Lena doesn't respect them.

3. Izzie's food gives Lena the poopies...

4. Lena's food gives Izzie the poopies...

5. My lap cannot hold two dogs at the same time.

6. When dogs fight on my lap I get lots of scratches

7. Izzie can kick Lena's butt

8. Lena really likes me

9. Lena doesn't like it that Izzie likes me

10. Izzie knows more tricks than Lena does

Good times around here!!!

Jessie