Numbers

Today I had a brief moment of panic. I was cleaning out my purse and wallet and couldn't find my mom's social security card. I freaked out. After some digging and crying I found it. It had gotten stuck to the back of one of my other cards. I am really weird about my mom's social security card, insurance card and driver's license. I carry them with me at all times.

I'm not sure why silly numbers and identification have such a hold on me. But for some reason they are my proof to the world that she existed. It's like if I carry them no one can say she wasn't real. For some reason when I can't find one of them it's like a part of her is gone and the world will forget. I know that makes no sense.

I have heard that I am like my mom. And I know that my sister is a lot like her. So I know that as long as we exist a part of her exists but not everyone knew her. So for the world I carry the cards. I carry the proof that she was real. And thank God I found the card. No more panic.

Jessie