Saturday, March 03, 2007

Bye Bye Smoky Treats

Well today I'm officially a non smoker. I have been thinking about quitting smoking for a long time. Basically since I started smoking what is now 11 years ago. I remember when I was a stupid teenager and started smoking I thought oh I'll just smoke for a few years or I'll quit when I have kids. Now 11 years later I'm about to be a single mom and I'm terrified at the idea of what I've done to my body and health. I'm also terrified about the idea of me on a plane for 21 hours going to Greece and Ethiopia and not having my smoky treats as I call them. So I decided I needed to quit well before the plane rides and in advance of a baby coming home. I also thought it would be tacky to be the new mom that had to stand outside the orphanage and smoke rather than be with their baby. Tacky in my opinion. So no more for me.

Two weeks ago today I started taking a stop smoking medication Chantix. I was pretty apprehensive but it actually does seem to cut down on the cravings. So today Saturday March 3rd is the quit day. I just smoked my last smokey treat and it wasn't that enjoyable. It's snowing and windy outside and not pleasant weather. I thought maybe the sun would shine down brightly on me and the birds would chirp and I would have a brief moment of joy to say goodbye to my old friend. But no... I think I killed the birds with the smoke and the wind took what little breath I had away and the freezing snow made me do the I'm so cold I can't stand it dance. So by the time I was done I was annoyed and cussing and forgot to tell my friend goodbye. It's probably better that way... I should have never started in the first place.

I'm a little scared that tomorrow I'll go crazy and eat everything that isn't nailed down or I'll be a total bitch or I might give up. But then if I gain a couple pounds this week I'll just have to work harder next week and if I turn into a total bitch it won't be the first time and it will pass and if I give up and smoke one I'll just have to try harder not to smoke again. This may be a process but I've got to do it.

If I'm a single mom I've got to be as healthy as possible. There is no back up person. I get that. I can't be getting the lung cancer and dying. So no smokey treats. That and think of all the cool baby stuff I can buy with the money I save.

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