Lena

Oh Miss Lena went to get fixed today. It is fix your dog month here so it's a bargain! But I was really struggling with the idea of taking her. Last night I didn't think I would be able to do it. This morning I was getting kinda freaked about it. And then we got to the vet. She immediately started shaking when we walked in. All the barking and oddness of it scares her. So the more scared she got the more scared I got. They had me sign the consent and explained the risks of anesthesia and I started crying. Like really sobbing crying. Crazy I know. But my mom just died and Lena is my best little buddy. She causes me all kinds of headaches but she makes my heart happy. The idea of something happening to her right now would just push me over the edge. So the nice vet lady tells me that for $50 extra dollars they can test her first to make sure the anesthesia won't kill her. I of course agree to that. And then she tells me that they will call as soon as she is done. And then she tells me I can come back and see her at 4:00. I cry some more and I'm trying to decide in my head the risks vs. the benefits. If you get dogs fixed it reduces their risks for some cancers and you know that cancer isn't so kind to people or things I love. So I agree. I sign the papers. Kiss and hug Lena and leave sobbing!

I cried most of the morning. Ultimately I don't think the emotions of it are just about Lena. I think I'm just terrified of loss right now. Irrational crying but crying that won't stop. So finally at 11:30 they call to tell me that she is done and awake and doing well. I think my whole office was ready to have a party!

I went to see her at 4:00 and took her on a walk and held her but had to leave her there. She was moving slow and didn't bark at all but she was doing pretty good I think. She will be fine. Now I just have to make it until 9:00 in the morning and I can get her back.

Jess